It’s bedtime and your toddler doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo. Your little one is fighting sleep tooth and nail. You have to do something because you know how important sleep is for their growth and development. Maybe it’s time for toddler sleep training.
In this article, we’ll tell you about the different methods of sleep training and give you some tips so that your little one can get the shuteye they need.
Key Takeaways
Table of contents
- What is toddler sleep training?
- Methods of toddler sleep training
- Tips for sleep training success
- When to call the doctor
What is toddler sleep training?
You may be wondering what exactly toddler sleep training is. It's basically just teaching your little one to fall asleep without your help. That means no nodding off in your bed instead of their own, and no midnight visits.
Does my toddler need sleep training?
When deciding whether your toddler needs sleep training, look at their current bedtime routine. Is it working for you? Is your little one sleeping enough each night? Are they waking you up in the middle of the night, or is it challenging to get them in bed?
As the saying goes, if it’s not broken, you don’t have to fix it! However, if your toddler’s routine could use some adjustment, it’s best to address it quickly. Here are some signs that you should consider toddler sleep training:
- Your toddler resists bedtime, dissolving in prolonged crying fits.
- Your toddler wakes up several times a night.
- Your toddler gets up much earlier than the rest of the household.
Of course, the odd bad night is nothing to worry about, but if your little one is doing any of the above for a week or two straight, you’d probably be well-served to sleep train.
What’s the right time for sleep training?
According to experts, the ideal time to sleep train is between four and six months. This is because at that age, babies are old enough to self-soothe but still young enough not to draw the connection between sleeping and getting cuddles from you.
On top of that, of course, they’re not yet walking, and their limited vocabulary makes it harder for them to formulate a convincing argument on why they should sleep in your bed.
But if you missed that window, don’t despair! Sleep training during the toddler years is a bit more challenging, what with all that walking and talking, but it can be done.
How long does sleep training take?
There’s no exact answer as to how long sleep training will take. A lot of factors influence the timing, including your toddler’s personality and temperament, as well as the method of sleep training you choose.
But as a general rule of thumb, if you’re actively sleep training your toddler, they should be sleeping on their own within a month.
Methods of toddler sleep training
There are several different methods of sleep training, ranging from gentle to more abrupt. Let’s take a look.
Pick up, put down
The pick up, put down method is a gentle way to sleep train your toddler. First, put your toddler to bed while they’re drowsy and awake. Then, if they start fussing, pick them up and soothe them.
As soon as they’ve calmed down, put them back in their crib or toddler bed. Repeat this process until they fall asleep. Not surprisingly, this can be demanding, as your child may have to be picked up and put down countless times through the evening.
Get yourself mentally prepared for the long haul, and enlist your partner to share in the task. Track how many pick ups you’re doing per night to see if they’re tapering off each day.
Note: This method can be physically demanding when you’re dealing with a toddler instead of an infant. If your little one is too heavy to continue picking up, you can simply lead them back to bed instead.
Bedtime fading
Bedtime fading is another gentle method to consider. With fading, you’ll study your little one’s sleep cues and gradually shift the bedtime routine 15 minutes at a time until it’s perfect for both you and your toddler.
It will help to keep a sleep log, where you can jot down the time when you put them down and when they actually fall asleep. You’ll also want to ensure that your toddler’s waking up at the same time every day, including on weekends.
Chair
The objective of the chair method of sleep training is to teach your toddler that they will not be picked up when they cry.
Place a chair next to your little one’s bed and sit quietly with them as they’re going to sleep. Every day, move the chair gradually closer and closer to the door until you’ve left the room.
Before starting this method of sleep training, think about what rules you’re setting for yourself, like no talking or touching (this helps for consistency), and share the rules with your toddler. You might find it easier to follow your own rules if you have a book or magazine as a distraction.
Positive conditioning
Another gentle sleep training technique is called positive conditioning, where you build positive routines and associations with bedtime. If there’s something you want your toddler to do, namely stay in bed, offer a positive outcome if they do, and encourage them to succeed.
For example, if your toddler falls asleep on their own after their bedtime routine, when they wake, give them verbal praise and a special treat. That way your little one will be more excited to do it again!
Ferber
The Ferber method, also known as graduated extinction, is a method of sleep training in which the child goes to bed on their own, but the parent can check on and comfort them periodically until they fall asleep.
The amount of time between check-ins gets a bit longer each day until checking in isn’t needed at all anymore. In essence, night one, you may put your baby to bed and then check in after three minutes, then five minutes, then 10 minutes.
The next night, check at five minutes, then 10 minutes, then 12 minutes. Every night after, increase the interval gradually until they’re sleeping through the night. Remember to keep check-ins short and sweet.
Cry it out
The cry it out method of sleep training is considered the most abrupt. Once you know your toddler’s needs are met (not hungry and no soiled diaper), and their environment is safe, you put your little one down for the evening, shut the door, and resist the urge to go back into the room.
This way, you give your little one the opportunity to learn how to self-soothe. As a practical matter, you may want to use a monitor to check in on your toddler. Keep in mind that crying normally gets worse before it gets better.
This means you’ll need to have your partner’s support, as this sleep method can be emotionally taxing.
Two-step
The two-step method of sleep training is a hybrid approach featuring two phases, one that is gentle and reassuring such as the chair or pick up, put down method, and a second that is more hands-off, where your child builds their independence, like the Ferber or cry it out method.
Doing the two-step is a popular choice for parents of toddlers with separation anxiety, or those who are in the midst of a change such as getting a new sibling or acclimating to their big-kid bed.
It’s important that you define exactly how you’ll determine it’s time to move from Phase 1 to Phase 2, whether that’s picking them up less than two times in a night, or four nights in a row with less than three minutes of crying.
A word on sleep training for naps
It’s best to sleep train for nighttime sleep first. If you’re trying to get your child to be a better napper, you can use your sleep training methods, but keep in mind that your child’s resistance may disrupt much of the nap period and cause them to become overtired.
You could either skip sleep training for naps until you have bedtime sleep training mastered, or you could limit the amount of time you dedicate to sleep training during naptime to 10 to 15 minutes.
Tips for sleep training success
Be intentional.
Have a conversation with your partner, get out a pen, and mark the day you want to start sleep training on the calendar. Being intentional about it will help you stick to your goal of getting your little one to sleep through the night.
Share the responsibility.
If possible, don’t shoulder the responsibility alone: Get the whole household involved. Effective sleep training will require a unified front, and doing it together will lower your stress and keep you from burning out.
It will also help your baby learn to accept comfort from both parents, which is good for bonding. Just be sure you’re on the same page when it comes to the training rules and steps.
Keep your toddler busy by day.
Keep your toddler busy by day.
During the daytime hours, make sure your little one gets out in the sun and plays. The more energy expended during the day, the more tired they will be at bedtime.
Plan early afternoon naps.
If your toddler takes a nap too close to their bedtime, it stands to reason that they may not be tired enough when the hour strikes. Make sleep training easier by moving your little one’s nap to earlier in the afternoon.
Follow an age-appropriate sleep schedule.
When sleep training, it’s important to ensure your little one is going to bed and waking up at an appropriate time for their age. Toddlers typically need 11 to 14 hours of sleep a day.
They might wake up between 6:30 and 7:00 in the morning, often have a mid-day nap between 12 and two o’clock in the afternoon, and then go to bed between 7:00 and 8:30 at night.
Proper sleep is important for their physical growth, brain development, immune function, and emotional regulation.
Create a bedtime routine.
Of course, when you’re sleep training, your child’s bedtime routine is even more important. Give them a bath, read a book, turn down the lights, and put on some soft music — whatever steps will keep them calm and relaxed.
A good bedtime routine will help your little one understand when it’s time to nod off.
Stay consistent.
With sleep training, consistency is key. For instance, if your toddler is getting out of bed at night and coming to your room, just pick them up and put them back in their own bed without talking or reacting.
Your toddler will quickly understand that their efforts to sleep in your bed are fruitless.
Prep the room for sleep.
To get the most out of your efforts in toddler sleep training, it’s important to make sure your toddler’s room is optimized for sleep.
Keep the temperature cool yet comfortable: between 68 and 72 degrees Fahrenheit. It should be dark as well — blackout curtains can help. If your toddler’s room is dry, get a cool mist humidifier to add moisture to the air.
And, make sure it’s quiet. If it’s impossible to keep it pin-drop silent when your little one is asleep, invest in a sound machine. Be sure to place it across the room and not too close to their bed (at least 7 feet away). The volume should also be kept below 50 decibels to prevent hearing damage.
You’ll also want to ensure your child’s mattress is comfortable. For toddlers who are still in the crib or toddler bed, the Newton Original Crib Mattress is a good choice, as it’s breathable, washable, and features a soft, quilted removable cover.
Don’t forget our Breathable, Organic Cotton Sheets too, which are super soft!
If your little one sleeps in a twin bed, our Kids’ Twin Mattress is a great choice as it’s cool and comfy, thanks to our patented Wovenaire® technology. Make sure they also have a toddler pillow and their favorite stuffed animal.
Establish sleep boundaries.
Be sure to discuss with your partner and your child what to expect of sleep training so everyone’s on the same page. When telling your toddler, you can keep it pretty simple — just that they’ll sleep in their own bed, and how you’ll say goodnight.
Of course, let your toddler know that you’ll be nearby in case they need you, but that doesn’t mean you’ll come running at every sound. It’s best to let them try to comfort themselves first.
Eliminate screens.
One to two hours before bedtime, you want to make sure your little one is finished with screen time. That’s because TVs, phones, and tablets emit blue light that tricks the brain into thinking it’s daytime, disrupting their sleep hormone production.
This means your child’s brain can be overstimulated just when they should be winding down, which can not only affect their night’s sleep but also their mood the following day.
Stay calm.
Although toddler sleep training can be nerve-wracking, you want to stay calm, especially when talking to your child. If they feel that you’re nervous, they will be, too.
Offer incentives.
If your little one needs a push in the right direction, try offering a small incentive for staying in bed all night, like an extra hour at the park or their favorite breakfast treat in the morning.
Avoid sleep training during stressful times.
Because sleep training takes consistency and focus, it’s best to avoid starting in the midst of a major life change, like moving or having a new baby. Although no time is going to be perfect, finding a relatively calm period at home can help you both be more successful.
Don’t sleep train if your child’s sick.
You want to stop sleep training if you think your little one is coming down with a cold or feeling under the weather. When they’re sick, focus on giving them the comfort they need. You can get back to sleep training when they’re all better!
Be patient.
Turning the corner of sleep training may not happen overnight, but stick with it. With time and consistency, your toddler will soon get the hang of it!
When to call the doctor
Whereas generally the advice is to stay the course, there are a few instances when you should call the doctor if you’re doing all of the right things but your toddler isn’t responding to sleep training.
First, if you’ve been consistent with the training but there’s no progress in 14 days, give your pediatrician a call. They can offer additional ideas and ensure there’s nothing else going on that’s getting in the way of your child’s sleep.
Another reason you’d reach out for help is if you’re seeing signs that your toddler is in pain, is sick, or is experiencing either breathing difficulties or physical or mental distress.
Night, night!
Now that you know several methods of toddler sleep training, it’s time to give it a try. Sleep training is never easy, but with a little patience, your toddler will be nodding off on their own in no time.
With a Newton mattress, you can be sure your toddler will be comfortable while catching their zzzs. Plus, our mattresses are ultra breathable and completely washable cover to core.
Trust Newton when you want your toddler to sleep soundly all through the night!
Frequently Asked Questions
When should I give up on sleep training?
You don’t have to give up! But you should temporarily stop sleep training if your child is sick, teething, or experiencing a major life change, or if the training is causing them significant mental or physical distress.
You should also pause training while you travel or have visitors staying overnight, or if you’re all feeling too stressed about doing it. If it’s not working, consider trying a new method before stopping altogether.
Is it normal for a two year old to wake up at night with separation anxiety?
Yes, separation anxiety is a normal part of your toddler’s emotional development, most prevalent between 18 months and three years old. If your little one is experiencing separation anxiety make sure you’re sticking to their sleep routine and stay patient.
How do I reset an overtired baby?
If your baby is overtired, the first thing to do is to take them away from anywhere with too much stimuli like bright lights, noise, screens, or other people.
Focus on making a soothing environment by dimming the lights, turning on a white noise machine, holding them against your chest, and rocking them with gentle movement. Basically do anything that you think will relax them.
For the next bed or naptime, start it 15 or 30 minutes earlier and shorten your baby’s wake windows.
